You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
