Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
