Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
