I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
