seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
