bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
