When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
