Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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