Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
