I cockslap morals
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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