I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
