guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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