I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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