so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
As shirtless as possible
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
