Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
