how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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