I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
