so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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