Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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