Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
