I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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