Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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