i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
