This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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