My girlfriend figured out who you are.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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