Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
this hospital has no fireball
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
