And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
