Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
