I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
