Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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