I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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