my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
a search helicopter?!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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