We named our party play list daddy issues
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
