i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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