Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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