I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
