Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
