what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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