at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
