A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
