Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
