i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
