a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
