He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
