Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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