Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
