ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
