i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
