So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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