I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
